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  • ssewan

1000 days.


Wow, time really flies when we're busy; can you believe it's a little over a month since I last posted? Maybe you can... I can't. It feels like just yesterday I had typed up a post asking you all how you've been doing while juggling schoolwork, friends, and work.


Now, I have finished the first expo of the year, gone to a wedding, entering a slew of new deadlines, friends, and finals week. Meepbeep. I was sitting at my desk pondering about life, and I realized that today would have been 1000 days.


1000 days since everything began in a whirlwind fashion much like a TV drama, and my heart was swept into a stampede of butterflies, making my heart pound with a passion I had not yet known since that day...


And now that I have a moment to catch a breather, I realize maybe that wasn't for me. I have always hated drama. In the moments with you where the world felt completely at peace as I ran my hand across the birthmark at your side and I would burrow the warmth of your body deep into my heart, I found familiarity. I longed to... I still long to preserve those moments of knowing we fit well together.


But we didn't fit perfectly.

Timing.

Misunderstandings.

And just simply missing one another.


These last 1000 days were filled with joy and warmth... sadness and abandonment. And it wasn't until recently, that I realized that maybe love shouldn't have to be so hard. It doesn't have to be a drama laced with foreshadowing, metaphors, suspense, sacrifice, and coincidence. They probably will be present, but it's not necessary. Love isn't a man made romantic drama - it's a God Willed testimony.


I just want to find a home. A home that I would never feel abandoned by. A home where my cat and I are safe and comfortable. A home where I can be silly and goofy. A home where I can cry and not feel judged. A home where I can learn to play billiards and ride a bike. A home where my hair can unabashedly become a sea kelp monster. A home where I know I will be taken care of. A home that I would fight to protect. That wasn't a home I could have found with you, regardless of how hard I wished and prayed and hoped so 1,000 days ago.

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