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  • Writer's picturessewan

TGIF!

Updated: Jun 3

Happy Friday!...&the end of May.


I hope you are all doing well, my dear jello beans. It has been a while since I last posted; I fully intended to create an Easter series, but work definitely got the best of me, and I found myself needing a lot more resting time once things died down a bit. It has been a season of seeking Sabbath for me - at least when work isn't in a cycle of busy-ness. I am glad that I've gotten some extra rest on the few days I'm not working these past couple months, where I've been able to meet up with some friends, get to know my in-laws more, and spend time with my husband.


I'm not sure if you all have noticed, I've been in a bit of a slump since I came back to California in 2018. Of course, a lot of it had to do with adjusting to life without my dad. But another large part of it was just feeling trapped, and grounded. Life in the air got lonely sometimes, but I was always so captivated by new adventures in new places, meeting new friends and being able to have free time to enjoy a more creative side of myself. Here on the ground, there isn't as much freedom.


Once I came back, I took up administrative work to pay the bills, and I haven't been able to travel. It forced me to face issues head on, and I never seemed to have time for "myself". I found joy in serving at church and the creative opportunities it offered, but they weren't consistent. As work and other personal life issues came about that made serving harder, it was frustrating; not because I was bitter with serving, but that I was bitter I had to work to survive. I daresay I'm a hard worker, and many would say a workaholic - however, I am one of those people who would rather invest my time working for free for something I'm passionate about and love. I would've made a fine philanthropic chaebol/heiress; but alas! I am not, I must work to afford my hobbies.


I love my business, and I love that it gave me the creative freedom I longed for, but it was not practical for my husband and I in the long run. I am still running my business - but it is now a side job in conjunction to my full-time job. I love my full time contract at UCI Health, but sometimes, I do feel like having to consistently be "on brand" to a corporate organization that isn't "aesthetic" has been very limiting to my creativity as well.


This is why I started my Making a Mess Mondays series. It hasn't been always a Monday, but I have been able to keep with making one day a week about doing more creative things that I love and bring me joy. It has been really nice being able to work on making bouquets, working on art projects, and designing things again. To be honest though, the past few weeks during "downtime", I've really just been a couch potato with my husband. As much as I enjoy my arts and craft, I didn't have the energy to set up and do the anticipated clean up that will inevitably follow. I think this was a good sign that I just really needed more rest than I could admit, and perhaps I'm slowly feeling burnout again. I feel like I haven't really gotten a break from work in the past 6 years, whether it was working for someone else, studying for a new certification, or working hard to build up my own business, I have always been on GO mode - ask my husband! - most of our dates were cafe work-dates where we were both busily working on our respective projects.


I think again, and again, God continues to remind me of His goodness, and that I must find rest and time to let my mind stop being filled with what's of this world, so that I can be filled from the heart to the mind with the things of His Kingdom. I find myself meditating more on Scripture when I am rested, versus when I am hectic and busy, and seeking to find answers myself. Even when I pray, I am praying for wisdom and answers without listening for them, rather I would listen to the busy buzz of my mind. It is definitely something I am working on continually, and may struggle with until my last days. It is probably one of my biggest sins - to believe I can figure things out eventually, rather than just lean on God and leave space for Him to do the work.


As far as my contract that is coming up, I've still not received further detail about negotiations and the such, so please continue to pray for me to surrender and trust as I navigate through this time of the unknown :)


How have you all been doing? And how have you been practicing Sabbath in your life to maintain your sanity and ability to worship God with joy?




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