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A New Journey | Decisions, Friendships, and New Beginnings

Wow, what a week it has been. It has been more dramatic than I remember high school to ever be (though it could be that I was just a nerd), and it's been a bit of a whirlwind. If you watched my intro from Wednesday, or caught up with what happened on Thursday by following my Youtube channel, then you may already know that I've gotten into a bit of a rut situation at work.

I'm not quite ready to update you all in regards to everything happening on the work front, at least not until decisions have been set in stone and become immovable fact. My heart has been quite heavy-laden these past few days, but my spirit is lifted by dear friends, encouragement, and prayer.

I've been an emotional mess since Thursday, and I reached out to my friends about what's been going on. The love and support I've been receiving is unreal - I don't deserve these incredible people in my life, offering financial support, prayer, food support, and love beyond what I have ever given. I am truly, truly so blessed. Regardless of how heavy the burden is on my heart, it feels so much lighter having these incredible people in my life willing to help me take on some of that weight. These past two days have been a mix of tears of hurt and sorrow as well as joy. I've never known love quite like this.

A lot of my friends have been encouraging me - letting me know that regardless of how low I sink in this very moment in time, they have faith that God will provide me strength to stand back up and fight back and stand firm. Advice, tips, and motivation have been flooding my heart, filling me and reminding me of the joy and hope we have in Christ. I had a friend even Venmo me money for groceries, and another bring me a meal. One sister even asked her grandmother for a Chinese doctor and another asked her husband if I could stay over at their place if needbe. How did I get so blessed?

I've been reflecting a lot on Psalm 30 -

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever" - Psalm 30:11-12

God's love is so mysterious and vast. I've been realizing my sins of standing alone in Christ: sure, I would try and reach out to evangelize, but I never had faith in the Body to treat me as a part of their own. I was still very much in an "every man for himself" mindset and didn't allow very many people in. But God is showing me so much of His love that I have been ignoring - the love that he manifests through the people around me. One of my biggest sins is believing in the lies: I'm not worthy of being loved, I'm not loved, I shouldn't be a burden to others, stop thinking people would actually care. These lies are Satan trying to persuade me that God doesn't love me, and I have to do it all on my own - that even when I lean on Him, He won't provide, and He won't be there. But the truth is that God does love me - He is there in the trials and in the joyful times. He is in the healing, and He is in the people who walk alongside me. He was, and is, and will be my rock and my purpose for praise.

Come what may. My flesh is weak - my heart is hurt - God knows my desires, but He knows even better what I need. My Fortress, He's ready. "Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." -Psalm 30:5

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