Gratitude

I know, Halloween hasn't even come yet, but Autumn always reminds me of Thanksgiving. I don't particularly like Halloween because I'm easily spooked, so it's all about the turkey! Though... I don't really like eating turkey, either.... It's always nice because Thanksgiving is around my dad and my sister's birthdays, so it's like having a huge cluster of holidays before Christmas!

When I was younger, it was easy to be content with my family and what I had. I didn't know how to compare myself to what the others had, because what I had was enough. I didn't really communicate well with others, because I couldn't speak English, so I thought my family was perfect.

As I grew up, I learned about what others would get from their parents. Allowances, journals with their favourite bands as the cover, nice smelling pencils, nice smelling markers, and cool looking erasers. I always had the plain wide rule notebooks that Staples had on sale every Back-To-School season. I learned to ask my mom for cute Morning Glory stationary, cute lead pencils, and more. I became dissatisfied so easily once I began comparing myself and what I had with others. I grew sad understanding that my family just didn't have the means to give me what I wanted; I stopped asking for more, but I couldn't stop feeling inadequate in comparison to everyone else.

Now that I'm older, I recognize how silly those feelings of jealousy are. Each family works differently and has different means to provide for each member. I took for granted the things I received, because I lost sight of what was important. I was distracted by the glitter, the photos, the smells, and colours that I forgot to appreciate that I had supplies at all. Of course, there are new things I am jealous of others for having, ie: bigger paycheck, "perfect" lifestyle, owning a home, owning a dog, bigger following on social media, nicer camera, etc. etc. The list goes on. Under certain circumstances, I can even grow bitter at others because of all these jealous thoughts, but in the end: we can't take it with us. Regardless of if you're a Christian, or you believe in nothingness after death, or reincarnation: after this life is done, we leave this body to rot and decay.

I'm so challenged by the story of Rachel and Leah, and their fight for dominance in their marriages to Jacob. The jealousy between the two sisters are almost comedic, especially when we realize how silly their pregnancy war is in trying to gain favour with Jacob. Taking a step back, that's how most of us are concerning a multitude of things. Our minds warp our way of thinking into coveting what others have, rather than being grateful for what we have. As Rachel took for granted Jacob's love for her, she became jealous and gave her servant to Jacob to make children (the natural way, since I don't believe artificial insemination existed yet). On the other hand, Leah took for granted her fertility and wanted to be loved, despite the fact that she is already the first wife and bore several sons (which was seen as very honourable). This story makes me think: what am I selling myself short of? What am I coveting that makes me do stupid things? What do I have that I am taking for granted? How can I better express gratitude and be aware of the things God has blessed me with?

How have you been challenged in your readings? I'd love to hear more! And I know that I posted this before my hiatus, but if you have a situation you want me and/or fellow readers to answer, please leave a message! I can keep it anonymous if you would like, so don't be shy~ ;)