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  • Writer's picturessewan

just the ramblings of a girl online

Hello everyone!

I know it's a Wednesday, but this is not a Wednesday in the Word post. Instead, I just wanted to just update you all in this post. For this week's Wednesday in the Word, please click here!

Currently, I'm in a break from school for a couple of weeks before my Fall Quarter begins again, so it's been a little bit less stressful in regards to finals and homework. I just wanted to kind of ramble on in this post, so please feel free to skip over this post if you're not really into reading long, pointless blogposts.

Maybe it's a cycle of fearing the natural phenomenon of aging; I'm exactly a week out from my birthday, and I feel like this time of year always brings me down a bit. I am in the process of job searching this year. I cannot disclose my reasons for leaving my company at the moment, but I have been searching for the past couple of months, and now more diligently than ever. It has been really disheartening to receive rejection after rejection, and I feel myself beginning to place value on my worth based on these rejections.

From a knowledge stand point, I am telling myself that it's okay; God's timing is perfect, and He will provide - not necessarily what I want, but always what I need. It has been really hard getting my heart to accept that, though.

There have been a lot of other things I'm struggling with in terms of self worth, timing, and feeling lonely these days. It's funny how you can be completely surrounded by people, and still somehow feel so lonely. As some of you may have seen on my Instagram, I've been going out quite often to study together with a couple friends, and "celebrated" the end of my finals by attending the Lightbox Expo. I enjoy my time with my friends, but at the ending of the day, I realize a dullness in my heart that keeps being brought back by anxiety of the urgency to find a new job. It's always in your weakest and most vulnerable state that the Enemy infiltrates your mind with lies, and life on earth is seriously a constant spiritual battle. There have been quite a few times these past weeks where I began to evaluate my worth in my ability to even land an interview... but who am I to judge my worth when Jesus said I was worth a ransom of His life? Simply because I am not qualified for a job here on earth does not quantify my unworthiness as a child of God.

...Yeah, it's a struggle to keep believing that and reminding my heart of what I know: God is good, all the time. In the meantime, how are you all? Please tell me how I can pray for you, and let's keep fighting the good fight together!

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