Wednesday in the Word

This year feels like a rush of hectic energy, and honestly quite fitting for the year of the Fire Horse. With Lunar New Year coming the Tuesday right after Valentine's Weekend and President's day, and then Lent beginning at the end of the month, I feel like I barely caught a breather in the the lull after my sister-in-law's wedding, Christmas and New Year's!

Even though it has been a little busier this year, I find myself having even more time to spend with God in these past months. Maybe it's just sweet, residual tenderness of remembering God's faithfulness in giving Jesus to the world for Christmas. I feel that lately, a lot has been weighing on my heart, despite my own "world" not necessarily being attacked. Of course, I have frustrations, times of stress and distress, but I have just been a lot more empathetic towards those I've encountered lately, and I feel a deep burden to pray for them, because honestly, that's one of the only things I can do. The song on repeat has been Turn down the Music by Shane and Shane, an echo of Matthew 25, where Jesus reiterates that He is with the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the naked, and the imprisoned, and we are called to serve and love.

Shane_Shane_-_Turn_Down_The_Music_(mp3

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Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.' Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ - Matthew 25:34-45

Today was a particularly trying day, though it was my day off from my day job, I have an event this weekend, and was planning on dedicating time to preparing for it. It started off with helping my mother take care of a fraudulent charge on her credit card, to calling the police to do a welfare check on her a couple hours later. That resulted in a full day in the ER with my mother.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little frustrated an anxious about the timeline and checklist I made for myself, but God is so, so good to me in reminding me that He is there through every moment. From the moment I jumped into my car, in constant communication with the sheriff who was in charge, God was there, keeping my cool and making sure I did not crash into anything while my hands were shaking (plus, I'm a poor driver to begin with). God was with me when I found my current job with such a kind and understanding manager, who immediately told me to take as much time off as I needed. God was with me when my friend called to take my mind off of things as she asked for fashion advice. God provided for me when I sat down with my mother and told her we need to make changes to her health insurance - through my current job, I had the connections to find her a Medicare broker to discuss with.

God reminded me of His intentionality and goodness when he led me to the right hallway - my mother had needed to use the restroom at the exact same time a nurse needed a Chinese translator for a patient. It has been my prayer when I entered my role at my current day job to protect children from having to be their parent's translator for things they aren't meant to translate. The mother had her child with her, and it was an answered prayer - that even though I wasn't in my usual post, God was honoring that prayer.

And God reminded me that He sees me. For those of you who know me personally, or have followed my blog, I've never had a good relationship with my mother. I always felt unseen and unheard, and I've consistently been labeled as the bad daughter. This is something I'm consistently wrestling with, healing from, and learning to remember my identity in Christ, who sees my heart. During the discharge process, the nurse who was in charge of my mom said, "You are a good daughter, and God sees that and blesses you." It was unprompted, and she was so unafraid to speak of her faith in her workplace. I was trying hard not to cry, and she continued; she shared that she had lost her parents and her sister, so I need to remember to be thankful that I have my mother. It has been another prayer of mine to be thankful for my mother - I've harbored so much bitterness, hurt, and resentment - and as much as I love my mother, my heart breaks knowing that a lot of the things I do goes unappreciated or labeled as a "should do" as the eldest daughter. It makes it hard for me to be thankful that she is with me, and as much as it makes me ashamed, I have often wished the parent still with us were my dad. I believe that she said what she said, because God was speaking through her, and it gave me peace.

I know God sees and hears every thought, every prayer, every cry, and it is such a good reminder that He is with us. He's with us when we're hungry, when we're thirsty. He's with us when we're amongst strangers, needing help. He's with us when we are humiliated and need cover. He's with us when we are in our lowest points, and He calls His sheep to be our resources and love on us. On one side of the coin, we are never alone because God is with us, but the flip side is that we are also called to be there for others. I am still praying through some of the implications of that, and what it is exactly that God is calling me towards, but thought I would share a little snippet of what's been weighing on my heart this season of Lent.