It's been about two weeks, so hello!
Wow, what can I say? It's been busy with numerous ups and downs. I have been pretty faithfully going to the gym to get a boost of adrenaline to uplift my mood in conjunction to constantly playing worship music and doing QT. To be honest, it's been really hard. I have been putting my mental health first these past few months, and letting myself just stay away from stressing myself out any more than regular life is.
Today, I am feeling better. I wanted to tackle something that has been weighing own in my heart for a while, and I wanted to let it out. However, before my post, I want to talk to you all about the direction of this blog. For those of you who recently messaged me, you may have noticed that I asked some of you if I can use what you say in a blog post. I want to start using some of the stories/messages you give me to open up more conversation with each other. :) I am working on building a comment section in this blog, so that we are able to have more open conversation with each other, but for now, I will start adding some of your questions/stories into my posts, and open it up for some feed back from fellow readers! I will be giving my advice as well as feedback, but I will also be posting responses from other readers in a follow-up post! I will be keeping all identities anonymous, unless you want your identity revealed! Please let your stories/questions pour in!
I guess I will start. If you've been following me, you know i'm a fairly private person, and I am annoyingly vague about identities of people in my life, and that will remain constant in this post. I guess it can apply to many people, but I do have someone in mind as I type this out. Let me know if you've had these kind of feelings towards someone!
Because of you, I've grown. I've grown bitter. I've grown scared. I've grown determined. I'm bitter that it was so easy for you to drop me and walk away. I'm scared that I'm simply someone who is easy to walk away from, and it'll be a constant theme in all my relationships. I've grown determined to... I've grown determined to win you back. To show you how awesome I am, and the great places we can go. I've grown determined to live a better life without you.
Because of you, I've grown. I've grown emotionally. I've grown in independence. I've grown spiritually. I'm much more firm and open about how I feel. I'm stronger now, and able to fight my own battles. I'm seeking God more and more for joy.
I can't say I understand why you were put in my life, only to be taken away. It's probably silly to think about, since friends are always walking in and out of each other's lives, as the waves of life crash and ebb about. Perhaps one day, our roads will meet again from where it diverged, and we can go on watching cartoons, listening to Backstreet Boys and N*Sync, discussing Disney songs, and going on long drives together. I loved those candid moments we had, and I loved you. I miss you.
But for now, you're safe in my memories and heart.