You're such a dear friend to me. I don't think I'll ever really understand the depth of our relationship, since it's just so complicated.
You were there when I was completely torn up from the inside out, and I was there to listen to you pine over my best friend. You were there when I was leaving the States and helped me fulfill most of my bucket list, and I was there as you struggled with friendships falling apart.
When we met again, it felt like the stars aligned. It was so comfortable between us, and we were essentially the same person. You had a secret, though. I found out too late. Begrudgingly, I told my heart to stop beating so hard at the sight of you. I told my lungs to draw deeper breaths and calm down. When I confronted you, you admitted so freely that I almost wondered if I mistook your intentions.
As we spiraled down deeper and deeper into this unknown abyss of "what are we?", my world came crashing down. You took it off my shoulders and took it upon yourself, letting the weight of it all push you down on one knee. You offered to take away all my worries and frustrations. You said you were willing to share every hardship with me, and love me. You were holding in your hand the exact colour I have been waiting to see.
But I couldn't say yes. You had someone else waiting to hear you ask those same questions. Someone else who had been by your side for over two years at that point. Someone who entered into your life while I was abroad, and I couldn't let myself knowingly do the same to her. So I let you go.
You left so easily, and didn't look back. I didn't hear from you for over a year. And now another rock sits on her hand, and I wonder -- what would have happened if I had said yes? Does she know? I'll be honest, these rhetorical questions have been resound in my mind when things get hard, but I have no regrets. In the end, you walked away because we both knew there were other plans in store for us.
In the couple of hours that we were reunited among a sea of friends, we so easily fell back into the habit of sitting side by side, cracking inside jokes, and laughing at just how similar we are. I can't help but laugh now at the way we both grimaced at the awkward silence when you mentioned your fiancee, and three sets strangers' of eyes automatically looked toward my hand. In some parallel universe, maybe I would have said yes, and would be living happily ever after. For now, I am glad we are just great friends who share way too many similarities to not drive each other nuts.