Depression


Depression is unique to each individual, and there isn't a guideline for you to see who is depressed. For myself In particular, I am thankfully not depressed 24/7, all 52 weeks of the calendar year. There are some people who do face depression for an extensive period of time, and it can last for years. Like everyone, I experience situational depression, which is a normal, short period of depressed feelings caused by a specific event. However, sometimes these bouts of depression last for way longer than the standard two weeks. I also sometimes get unexplained bouts of depression, and I really just have no idea how to live. When I am depressed, my weight tends to fluctuate like crazy, my sleeping patterns become extremely irregular, I'm constantly tired, I become more socially anxious than usual, and I feel confused and frustrated, yet so numb... and I really just don't know how to stay alive anymore. Despite all this, death never has been the first choice for me (and it's important to note that some individuals struggling with depression may not have suicidal thoughts). I am always searching for an excuse... any excuse... to stay. There are times where I would binge watch tv shows, hoping that cliffhangers would keep me hanging on (pun not intended). I busy myself with too many responsibilities, so that I would feel bad to leave things unfinished. I seek out friends, hoping they'd distract me. The hardest times are when I can't bring myself to care at all and don't think it would matter if I leave.  These are the days where it's so hard to get myself out of bed and care,  even though I know I should. During these times, I bargain: "If XYZ happens, I'll stay another day." It has been a long time since I hit rock bottom, but it's a mixed feeling of desperation, both to live and to die, that I will never forget.  As someone who actively deals with depression, it really hits hard to hear about someone who lost the battle. It breaks my heart, wondering how many times someone's heart must have cried out for help, but couldn't be heard, before s/he came cornered at a dead end. I'm not telling you all this because I expect you to catch on to when someone is depressed 100% of the time. It's not always easy to see when someone is depressed, but I want to spread a bit of awareness. The death of a loved one is not your fault. It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. It's not you. But please, let's treat everyone like they struggle with depression. I know that sounds a little awkward, but if we knew someone was struggling with depression and/or suicidal thoughts, we would think twice about our words and actions, right? Let's not be a trigger by saying or doing mean things. Let's be kind, and always be open to listening. Let's check up on each other every once in a while. There are things we cannot control, but we can control our own attitude towards others. It might not change anything, but it also might save a life.