Fears


I have a lot of things that I'm afraid of, but to be honest, my biggest is not being able to do anything. It's been a really rough couple of weeks, struggling with a partly unresponsive hand. Things that are usually simple become difficult, and things that are hard feel excruciatingly hard to do.

My ego hurts, to be honest. I feel stupid dropping everything and not being able to throw as well as I usually can. I feel disgusted at how little I can do, and it makes me feel so small and hopeless. It's humbling to have to ask for help, but it's also really demeaning and awkward. I have been alone a lot -- travelling around with a suitcase has been really difficult and frustrating. I've been kind of locking myself up and just crying and/or doing nothing. I'm tired, hurt, and weary: physically and emotionally.

Fears are so hard to conquer, and I am so worn out from fighting. Lord give me strength.

#lifeupdate