I have been sort of neglecting this series, with the onset of the 25 Days of Christmas, and then the mess of travelling and jetlag. I'm sorry. To be completely honest, I have still been a mess, and it's been hard to really get myself to do anything.
I was actually doing pretty well until Christmas. I was trapped on a plane and all I could really think about and reflect on was how everyone was upset because they had plans with their family... and I had no one. My friends have family and loved ones of their own that they have to spend time with, and... well, there's me. The one who is treated like family, but not quite am family. The one who is the boyfriend (yes, you read that right) on shopping days and bad days, but in the end, I'm really just a friend. I'm happy for my friends. Really, I am. But this Christmas just felt extra lonely. I was stranded in Cuba, and though I knew I would have to work on Christmas, I thought that I had someone to spend a bit of the holiday season with. High expectations and high hopes really do cause bigger disappointments, haha.
I remember when I first accepted Christ, the first thing someone told me was that it's a lonely journey. It's lonely because not everyone will understand your choices, even if it seems like it's a stupid choice. Even though Christianity is one of the "bigger" religions out there... for many, that's all it is: a religion. To be a Christian is to be set apart, and lead as well as we follow. We are given the gift of discernment, because not all that is "holy" is holy. We need to be in constant prayer, and continually build our relationship with Christ, and trust that God will build the relationships we need and desire with each other. We are not called to have a life of having many friends, but called to be a friend to all. We are not called to be loved by many, but to love on everyone.
"But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High,
for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil." - Luke 6:35
Over this weekend, I watched 49 Days, which is a Korean drama about a girl who dies too early due to a mix up, and has 49 days to collect 3 tear drops of people who sincerely love her (outside of family). I have watched this before with my roommate, but watching it this time alone reminded me of how lonely life is. You can be the nicest person on the planet, and be misunderstood and hated. You can be kind to some of the most innocent seeming people, and be taken advantage of. Those you love the most, may not love you back even a bit. The ones you do not care for may love you the most. But despite it all, through all the many subplots, it is shown that"love overcomes a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8).
It has given me hope yet sadness... but joy nonetheless. Of course first and foremost is building my relationship with God before trying to fix any relationships by myself. I am a really blunt person, and even when not angered, I speak with about the grace of a chicken on roller skates. Words are my gift and curse. Even without the intent to, I speak with words that can cut and hurt; I'm harsh and do not sugarcoat. I need to learn how to be gentler without deviating or making light of the truth, because being gentle is also a part of what love is.
What is a way that God is calling you to love better? I'd love to chat with you, so don't be a stranger! Shoot me a message at any time~ I'll be sure to respond with smiley faces
Until next time~