Hello~ It's been a little while since I've posted, as was away for a much needed vacation in Japan. I hope you've been doing well :) Thank you for the few of you who took the time to message me and ask me about how I am, it really does make a difference in my day! :) It's been a long Winter here on the east coast, and we just recently had a snow storm. Have you all been staying warm? Today's topic is nostalgia.
Have you ever looked at something, walked into somewhere, or talked to someone, and all the memories come hitting you in waves? For me, this was a theme in March. Going to Japan was so relaxing and great, yet in the back of my mind was a constant flood of memories, both good and bad. Returning back to the States meant I had to re-organize my thoughts and compartmentalize what were memories and what is reality. I'm not going to lie, it was hard. It's been hard the past few months, and I really thought that my vacation to Japan would make it better. In some ways, it was easier, but in many ways, it was more of a facade. It gave me a false sense of security that someone would always be by my side to distract me from thinking too much, when in reality, it's not true. I really have to rely on myself to look to God and get by through His strength. It's not a responsibility that I can give to someone else, or some place.
I am still going through this journey of seeking God for healing and peace, and it's been rough, if I am being honest. There are things in the past that are holding me back and dragging me down. My friend bought me New Morning Mercies (A Daily Gospel Devotional), and I have been going through it, and it's been helpful. I love Psalms, and most recently, we went through Psalm 104, which is a reminder of how great God is, and how small we are. It reminded me that despite how big my thoughts are, and how I feel like they are completely encompassing me and drowning me, I need to keep my cool and fix my eyes on God; know that there is a God who is so much greater and in control of the storm. It's just like what my byline is: "Take me deeper". It's not me who is capable of walking deeper into the waters, but God is. While I am so impatient and trying to have things happen the way I want it to, God is already leaps and bounds ahead, knowing exactly what will happen, and that it will be okay. While I am a sinful human, God has already forgiven me for my past, present, and future trespasses, and given me life instead of eternal death, and all He asks for in return is trust and love. It's not about who I am and what I've done, but it's about who God is, and who He is in my life.
Lord, teach me obedience. Teach me to love you. Teach me to have faith. Teach me peace.
What are some things that you've been struggling with lately? How may I pray for you? :) If there is something you are struggling with, don't let it fester in silence, because it can get dangerous. Regardless of if you're Christian or not, what we acknowledge to be true isn't always something that we instinctively believe to be true in our hearts. You can reach out to me and vent or just say something you've felt too ashamed to talk to someone you know about. If you don't feel comfortable speaking to me, a stranger behind your screen, that's fine too. Some people are more comfortable with friends and family that they are close to. Personally, I reached out to a long time friend and asked him to check up on me every once in a while. If you are ever feeling down, just remember that you're not alone. There are many out here in the world who are willing to listen and just chat and talk, or just lend a shoulder to you. Your life is precious, even if you don't feel like you are worth it, because you are. You are just a little speck in the world, but for you, God created the skies, the oceans, the trees, the air, and the animals. For you, He gave His life, and for you, He prays.