曖昧

In Chinese, there's a term called 曖昧 to describe a relationship where feelings are there, but cannot come into fruition for whatever reason. It is somewhat similar to 썸 relationships in Korean, where it's an unconfirmed "some" relationship.

I personally really hate being in either of them-- there's a shyness that leaves a dark pool of uncertainty and even jealousy that weighs me down. There's a bit of self righteousness in feeling entitled to the other person, yet so much fear in voicing these emotions that I don't technically have a right to feel.

Maybe I'm just an old soul living in the wrong era, but why can't romance be as simple as just friends or in a commited relationship? Perhaps its naive to imagine such a perfect world, especially in a day and age where we have easy access to meeting someone new and better. How do I know if your next swipe right won't be the end of "us"? How do I know if in this world of constant job hopping, you won't find love in the new secretary?

But now in a world where I am just as guilty of fearing commitment, I find myself questioning those too readily willing to give me their all. It took me a while to realize that sometimes, we just know, and it's okay to "stake our claim", if we are sure. Because otherwise, we might lose to circumstance.