Back to School
Now that it is official, I feel like I can finally talk about it out in the open without feeling awkward about whether or not it will happen. I'm going back to school.
Well... no (obviously from the cover photo). I know it's been a long time goal of mine to go deeper into Psychiatry, but I think for a long while now, I knew that's not where God was leading me towards. At least not right now.
During my senior year of college, I felt a really strong calling towards ministry. I applied to staff for the ministry that I was serving in at the time, but was told that they wanted me to "experience the world" first. Which I understood. I was saved in college, and was pretty much protected within the ministry. At that point, I hadn't really had circumstances really try my faith to make me more stable. I suppose it was just as well, because the year following that, the ministry went through some major changes that I am not sure I would have wanted to stick around for.
Obviously, in the past few years after graduating, I've gone on many adventures -- some figurative, and some literal. There was a time when I couldn't even really go to church, and relied on online sermons. There were times when I felt so lost and angry at God. Times when I was desperate for Him, but even more desperately running from Him. Times when I cried out to Him in anguish, and felt unheard. There were times when I prayed and heard nothing, and times when I prayed and heard everything I didn't want to hear. I've been away from home, away from friends, only to be brought back.
The closer God brought me through all these experiences, the more I felt estranged. For me, the idea of church diminished to a sanctuary of walls and a preacher on Sunday. I often felt judged for not being able to attend church on Sundays regularly; it was really hard to find a community group that was practical, aligned with my views, and understanding of my struggles with being constantly on the go. Is it me? I kept wondering whether or not embarking on this journey as a flight attendant was Satan leading me astray. I kept praying about whether my faith in God was not sound, simply because my schedule kept me from attending church regularly. The more I prayed, the more God reminded me that it is not about going to church, but what I do for the church. I cannot be the only person in the world struggling with something like this, and if I can't find a community, why not create one? Enter this blog: at the time, I was always blogging on and off, but God gave my blogging a purpose. I dove in and purchased my domain, and started this blog to be a ministry and community where people can be honest people. As a real person, I wanted to be real. I wasn't created to just read the Bible; I was created with feelings,interests and struggles. I began posting about things that entertain me as a person, as a girl, as a writer, as a photographer, as a traveler, as a sinner, and most importantly, as a Christian. This blog has brought me so much joy through the conversations I've had with some of you, and my heart for community and ministry has grown exponentially.
For a while, I was content with the direction of my blog and the following I had. Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed by God's overwhelming graciousness in bringing traffic to this website, and I am so thankful for each and every one of you who has taken the time to subscribe and read my ramblings. After three years, my following has plateaued, and that is fine with me. I have never been a very enthusiastic online marketer, I don't have a team, my content does not have a specific niche, and quite simply, I don't know how to sell myself. This is very much more of a personal blog, and that doesn't bother me. I like that my blog is small enough for me to maintain relationships with most of my subscribers, and to be able to respond to questions and emails personally. Ultimately, our relationship with God is personal, and I want to keep my relationship with my readers personal, too. However, when I came back to stay in California, God began steering me in a new direction.
Over the course of the past many months, I've had the opportunity to participate in a ministry where international students, including my own cousin, are exposed to the Gospel message, and taught a little by little about who Jesus is, and why we believe. While I can understand the basics of what is taught, the more I delved into learning more for myself, the more I realized I didn't know. At this time, a high school acquaintance of mine also came out to the church I've been attending to learn a little about Christianity. Her knowledge of Christianity can be summed up in: "There's a dude named Jesus Christ", meaning that sitting through Sunday sermons were a little more than confusing for her. Though I could explain to her the basics of what was being preached, I felt so insufficient in sharing with her and leading her. I realized I need to learn more if I want to reach others. Again and again, God hammered into my heart a reminder of what He called me to: ministry. Whether through this blog, within church, or beyond church walls: I needed to learn more about what I believe in to share what it is that I know to be true. After much prayer and researching, I bit the bullet and decided to apply to Fuller University for a Masters in Theology and Ministry. Financially and time-wise, I have no idea how I will be able to get through these next couple of years, but I know God is faithful, so He will provide.
Please keep me in your prayers (I will need it!) I will still be consistent in posting here, and documenting my journey! As for the direction of this blog, there will not really be a shift, content-wise. I will still be posting consistently, mostly about QT reflections, random happenings in my life, installments of writing-series, sporadic fashion/beauty posts, and sprinkles of travel videos. However, I am shifting gears when it comes to marketing and really going to do outreach :) So please, if you Business majors out there have any ideas on how to market this blog, please let me know!