Being Okay Starts With Loving Yourself
I know it has been a few days. How are you all? I feel kind of strange that since the launching of my website, I haven't really posted. That is in part due to the fact that I was working on creating things for my shop, and I had to work~ But not to worry, I have not abandoned this blog! And now that I have my domain linked to this and have advertised it... I think I will be sticking to this blog a lot more faithfully.
Obedience is so hard, haha. I really have to remind myself of what is important, what I'm doing, and why I'm doing it, and who I'm doing this for. It has been a crazy few days, really. It took a bit of time for me to reflect upon before I could write about it, so hear it goes: I had a trip that was really, really crazy, and just reminded me of what the Gospel really means: forgiveness and love.
The biggest commandment is Love. Love God, love your neighbours, love yourself. I will not say where I was working my flight to, but I was working with first class, where someone threw red wine all over me. Not in a way that could even slightly be blamed on turbulence and/or accident. It was before we left, and she stood up, picked up her cup, and threw the red concoction all over me, slightly splashing a couple of her neighbors, too. Why? Because the red wine wasn't to her liking, and the other wines in the selection weren't either. Mind you, for this flight, I was the "manager", and at that moment, I was so absolutely dumbfounded. Is this an Asian drama? I had no idea what to do, what to say. After a few moments, I found my smile, and apologized to the rest of the passengers that I will be with them shortly, and went to wipe myself down in the lavatory. I wanted to cry, but I knew I also had to remain calm, collected, and smiling, because customer service.
In the moments that I had excused myself, another flight attendant had informed the captain, who then came out of the cockpit to yell at the passenger and demand the agent reopen to door and toss her out of the plane.
Relief. Guilt. Anger. Sadness. All of these emotions rushed over me. As a manager, should I have known what to do? Should I have known how to handle this customer before it escalated to this point? The woman must have had somewhere to go, and plans for when she landed. Had my poor customer service skills ruined it for her? But who does she think she is to throw red wine in my face like that? But... what kind of manager am I? I must suck at my job.
All of these thoughts and more raced through my mind, and through it all, I smiled throughout the flight and served my passengers. I kept reminding myself that this is what matters. I refused any pity and comforting from my flight attendants, because I knew I'd burst completely into tears if I succumbed to their loving care. I needed to be okay with myself, first.
It wasn't until that night in my hotel room that I finally let all the tears go and flow freely. All of the frustrations and horrible thoughts released into babbling on the phone and letting out a few sobs that made it sound like I put on a voice filter. To be honest, I hate letting others see/hear me vulnerable, because I am always so afraid that they'll leave, and I'll be once again left with nothing and no one. But in that conversation, what it really came down to, was this: I had to forgive the passenger, but even more than that, I had to forgive myself. From a customer service perspective, it is easy to forgive a passenger: it's our job to serve regardless.
Forgiving myself was the hard part: Taking in that humiliation with grace, and recognizing that I was neither a victim nor perpetrator of the situation; I was simply a subject that got drenched in wine, and I had to stop blaming myself for the things that occurred prior and after the event. I could not help that the customer did not like the wine, and I could not help that the customer was unfit to be on our flight. I had to know that I did what I could. I am not Super Cat, nor do I have to be. I was not rude, I did not do anything to entitle having red wine thrown at me. I was professional even after the event happened, and I did not cause the passenger to be kicked off. Her own actions had led to that consequence, and I cannot blame myself for it. I had to love myself enough to let go of the situation, and know that God is sovereign. To me, this situation was so large, but in the grand scheme of things, how small is my concern? And yet, even then, God is watching over me, loving on me, teaching me, molding me, embracing me. And that's really all I need to be okay.
I hope you are all doing well <3 That's it for now! I'll talk to you all later! Be sure to leave me a comment on my side bar! ;)