More of You
I hope you are all doing well this fine morning! Currently, the weather is scorching hot here in sunny California, and everything, including yours truly, is melting into a huge pile of goo. I know my post from yesterday was very loaded, and some of you have asked about what I've been doing these past few months.
To put a long story short, I've been just keeping busy and "finding myself". I wanted to use this time to not only re-create this website and blog, but also to re-invent Sharon. I don't mean that I want to become someone completely different. In fact, it's quite the opposite; I want to be more in tune with my needs and desires, and understand myself more. I truly believe that God creates each and everyone of us for a very specific calling, and it's up to us to answer to that calling.
Finding myself meant I had to really dive deep into what "Sharon" is. From since I could remember, I've always loved burrowing myself into a huge pile of work, and just running away from all my problems and thoughts. My workload was the perfect material to build a fort with, and I used it as an excuse to not let people get close to me. Because of that, I built for myself a reputation for being the quiet "good girl" who was always responsible, and kind of mysterious. Behind my facade is a girl with thoughts that I want to say out loud without hiding behind a blog. I have things I want to do, despite being fearful of consequences (AKA my mother's disapproval). I have goals I want to reach that don't just involve stable finances and owning a house (that American Dream, though).
So, how have I been working towards my goals? I have been indulging my workaholic-ness these past months. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I've been pretty busy filling up my calendar with my work. However, I've also done a lot more things I love to do. I've been (FINALLY!) going to church regularly since returning to a more normal schedule, fairly faithful in going to the gym, meeting up with friends, taking dance classes, and driving around Socal to take photos for fun. I dyed my hair rose gold, and I'm writing again. I'm getting ready to launch my own business soon (stay tuned!), and it's been lots of craziness and fun. I am investing my time and efforts into things that matter a lot to me, and it really has paid off. I'm looking to definitely expand upon SSEWAN and my short term goal is to build more relationships for this blog. I am going to keep up on my Wednesday in the Word series, and I am looking to build up on my lifestyle content. This will be including things in affordable fashion, beauty, and cooking. For those of you who don't know, I recently renovated my room (for lack of better wording), and it is a lot more photogenic. That will make things a lot easier to photograph and film. I am also working on budgeting to hire photographers and videographers to help me with lookbooks, so that I can have more consistent fashion content. It gets hard trying to film and photograph yourself. If you have a friend who is hoping to build his/her photography or videography portfolio, please email me!
Despite working even harder than I have previously, I can safely say that I'm doing what I love to do. I don't think anything will compare to being able to travel to foreign places for free, but I'm working on my own schedule now. In theory, I should be less stressed than ever. I'm slowly learning to let go of the hard-pressed tendency of being super hard on myself in regards to time. I used to show up at least 30 minutes before my scheduled time, and it would not be because I'm avoiding traffic! Now that I don't have a schedule to go to work by, I'm trying not to get freaked out about not reaching the office by a certain time, because it is unnecessary stress. After all, those extra few minutes of sleep won't do me any harm!
Now that my job is mostly handling administrative duties, I am working with a lot of different people and companies. Where there are people involved, emotions can get pretty jumbled up. I am trying to be more expressive about my frustrations, as I used to just bottle it up to uphold my reputation of being very mild-tempered and patient. Here is the real tea: I am superduper impatient, and I am very hot-tempered. I am an extreme Type A personality, so I get flustered when things are not done in a timely manner. I would like to think I'm fairly understanding when it comes to things like technical difficulty and things beyond the control of the person/company involved, however I also expect efficiency in problem solving and strong communication when issues arise. I am not just a docile cat when it comes to these things, and I definitely become a really mean roaring tiger that has been starving for a day. Being honest about my frustration has made it a lot easier for me to be able to deal with situations, as I am being more honest with myself and those involved. While that is the case, I am also recognizing that I need to be less anal-retentive and more patient and forgiving towards others. Being more honest by voicing my opinions and thoughts lets others see what I am lacking in, and I am able to ask for accountability. In hiding away my thoughts and feelings, I made myself seem "perfect-tempered", and there wouldn't be a reason for others to hold me accountable.
Slowly but surely, my life has been turning itself around, and God has been knocking down my walls one stone at a time. It's been a long time coming. I've spent over two decades building a wall of stone and brick around myself and my heart to keep from getting hurt. I've spent over two decades relying on hard work. Sure, I recognized blessings, but that's not what faith is about.
"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another" - Proverbs 27:17
Whether in my business, or even working on my heart, I need others to remind me to look to God and rely on God. These past few months really have been about God teaching me to have a community. It has been so long since I've been in any community, so it's been a big adjustment. We were never called to face things alone, because Jesus has already taken the lonely road. He went before us and bore the shame, guilt, and punishment of sin, so that we do not have the bear the cross alone. In finding myself, I find myself needing to build better relationships with the people God has put in my life; ultimately, I simply just need more of God.
Whom has God recently placed in your life that made you learn something new? Let's pray for more of God -- more of Him in our relationships with others and ourselves.