Something old, something new, something borrowed, and someone blue.
I was sitting in the crew room (basically a waiting area), and I overheard a very sad conversation. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but the more I heard, the more intrigued and indignant I felt.
"It's okay. Staying together is just the old way of doing it." - Bitter Mentor
For the sake of anonymity, I will just use descriptions in replacement of names. Basically, Bitter Mentor was telling Confused Wife that it is okay that she is having a lot more fun with Mr. #2, who totally seemed like a douche bag from the conversation i gathered. This is because Confused Wife felt like life with Boring Husband is... boring. In the span of listening in on their thirty minute conversation, I felt like butting in. I didn't, for obvious reasons, but their conversation simply did not sit well with me.
I think that in this society where everything is literally within the touch of our fingertips, we tend to take relationships for granted. Everyone is literally a text away, and we can "know" celebrities by clicking on their youtube videos, and so forth. No longer do we have to write snail mail letters, or go through the awkwardness of having to respond "on the spot" in person or via phone. Instead, we are left with a very unrealistic, thought out, and even delayed lifestyle through the phone and internet. It's so easy to find something... someone better. And maybe I'm a little "old-school", but here's newsflash: you'll never get the best. You can live your life until you're 100, and you're never going to find the BEST person to settle down with. By no means do I mean settle down with any old joe schmoe that will put a ring on you. Have standards, and trust yourself to fall in love with someone who isn't Leonardo DiCaprio. If you fell in love with him in the first place, and he treats you well, and you two made a commitment to marry each other, then treat him as though he is Leo D, because he is your Leo D.
Words are so cheap now that we have filtered it through text messaging and blogging. I know, I'm such a hypocrite, but hey: these are the tools of our hook-up culture now. It's easy to go from one hook-up to another, because anyone can think up lines after a 5 minute pause to get in your panties. But the truth is: we don't know how to deal with relationships after the panties drop. We don't know how to converse at the dinner table after taking Instagram photos of our food. We don't understand what it means to listen to the silences. We are so deep into our cyber world that talking doesn't seem Natural anymore, outside of yelling at a customer service representative about your phone bill, cold food, delayed flight, etc. As a culture, we are just no longer educated in interaction. Heck, even traditional schooling has gone online! In a society where words have diminished so greatly in value, how can we expect the future generations to value their vows? They're just words.
Personally, I think it's really sad that it's come to the fact that someone truly believes a lasting marriage is simply a thing of the past. Maybe I'm just someone who sold her heart to Disney, but I refuse to believe that. I don't think marriage is perfect. I know that some problems can't be worked through. I understand that people change, and sometimes the best way is to drift away. I can understand all of that. What I refuse to accept is that it can be so easily let go. As a writer, words are so important to me, and it truly astounds me how so many people just use them meaninglessly. We have a voice, but if we abuse it, who will listen? If you fell in love with someone and promised to love him with your life, then... why would you leave at the first sign of hardship? Of course, this goes both ways, regardless of if your significant other is male or female. Words between you should mean something, right?
I know that Confused Wife may never read my blog, but if you DO happen to stumble upon this blog, I heed you to please try. From what I heard of your story, the problem isn't that you or Boring Husband don't love each other. It's just gone past the honey moon stage. You got married just shy of two years, which is the honey moon phase of relationships. After you get married, add another two years to that. You just got out of the honey moon stage. Of course it feels a little "boring". You've gotten into a scheduled routine with him. You're a flight attendant who doesn't spend a lot of time home, and there are other guys willing to show you a good time, and it's exciting. But you said that you still love him, even though the both of you have seemed to check out. If you still love him... go for him. Talk to him. Try to work it out instead of having fun with Mr. #2 the Douche. Even if Bitter Mentor tells you that you look good with Mr. #2 the Douche, listen to yourself: you even said that you know he isn't the commitment type of guy. Sure, you're young, and even if your marriage fails, you've got plenty of time to get hitched again. But my question is: do you want to? Do you want to get a divorce and play in this hook-up game, and figure out in the end that maybe you still loved your Boring Husband? If that's what you want, you go, Girl! If that's not what you want: reconsider. What did the vows mean to you? Were the words really something you meant at that moment, or was it just a spur of the moment, meaningless string of phonemes?
I don't have much else to say. I know I don't really have a right to, since I haven't really had a "successful" relationship, seeing as I am not married. However, I do hold on to the hope that marriage can be for life, and that it's not just an obligation for kids, money, or some other factor other than love. I've seen many marriages fall apart, but I've also seen many marriages where the two individuals fall in love with each other more and more each day. I hope that Confused Wife can have a relationship with her Boring Husband where they fall more and more in love with each other after this time of hardship. I also pray that I will have a relationship with my husband that won't fall trap to the curse of technology. I believe that marriage is not just a marriage between two people, or even their families, but it is a reflection of Christ's love in us. His love is never-changing, despite our ever-changing likes, dislikes, personalities, thoughts, and faithfulness. We waver in all we do, but His love stands firm. I strive to love and be loved like that by whomever my future husband may be. I hope that whenever times get hard, we can both look to Christ and meditate over Ephesians 4:32
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Because honestly, I believe that at the end of the day, arguments and disagreements mostly arise when we forget about grace. We forget that we were given grace, so that we have the ability to be graceful, as well. We are often times too prideful to let down our pride and talk about things and apologize. It doesn't matter if we don't believe we were the one "in the wrong". What matters is that we agreed to disagree, and we can talk and work out a compromise after we have both calmed down and brought ourselves to a better place, spiritually and emotionally. It's not worth losing each other over.
This was just my little rant and thoughts for the day. It has been bothering me a lot, and maybe some of you will have input :) talk to you later!