endings.
Hello hello! I know it's been a couple of weeks since I've last written here. I had finals week, and then today marks the end of my Spring Break... not that I really had one, because work (sighpie). I am trying to find rest, and will be taking two classes instead of three, but the coming couple of months will still be very busy in my personal life.
How has everyone been? I have been pretty tired and worn out these days, and it has been really easy for me to be frustrated and lash out. I am someone who tends to overthink and over analyze all situations before allowing myself to act on any feelings. I've been called heartless and cold, but it really isn't that I don't feel anything. I feel things so strongly, and that's why I need to take a step back and make sure my feelings are not due to unfounded assumptions that can cause more drama than good. However, I've been pretty bad at keeping my emotions at bay, lately.
If you follow me on Instagram, you might have seen my post about my recently exploded tire. God was definitely protecting me during that random tire-fail; I somehow missed a turn that I've been taking daily. If I had taken that turn, the tirexplosion would have happened on the freeway, and I would have lost control of my car in a high-speed, packed area, rather than a remote road. It was such a bad day, because I had a 12 page long paper to write and a work issue that I needed to work out by that Monday. I was in many chat groups that required near-immediate attention, and with the addition of my busted tire, I just wanted to break down and cry.
Prior to that, the entirety of finals week was trying to balance papers with a work emergency that made me feel really, really miserable. I was so angry at the situation, and even at the person involved, and it drained me. It was all I could see. I can't delve too much into the details since it has to do with my work, but trying to find a suitable outsourced candidate for the job and watching the time tick by was hard. Having to explain to them why this project would be so rushed in a professional way made me even angrier, because not only was I reliving the frustrating situation, but I was also having to put a smile on and act nonchalant, even if just through a screen. I hate being dishonest about my emotions, and that probably drained me the most. Even as I began letting go of the anger, the physical stress of trying to pull off a project last minute was really, really hard. Even now, I am awaiting administration for approval of the project to commence... with a deadline looming closer than anything. #dead I know I shouldn't feel so anxious, but my career is definitely just starting, and having this project fail would prove detrimental in so many ways.
...And Spring break is over.
The good thing about these three weeks is that I've honestly learned a lot. It has been really crazy, but God is still good and in control. :) I got a much needed hug yesterday, and it made my day today much, much better. Love language is a real thing, and I need physical touch. It's funny how God reminds us that He is present, making sure we receive His love.